So last night a friend posed a few interesting questions to me, that got me thinking. The content of this post I actually wrote last night, and really was what pushed me to make this blog so I had somewhere to put these thoughts.
- If you had one Super/Magical power what would it be, not per say the one you most want, but the one you think fits you/your personality the best.
So obviously the ones that came to mind are the three main powers that have bounced around in my head for most of my life. Telekinesis, Telepathy/Emotional Control, and Shapeshifting.
Quick synopsis of what I mean by those and my thoughts on them:
Telekinesis: When I say this I mean strong and detailed Telekinesis with a telekinetic awareness of my surroundings to a minute detail. This is the power I desire the most at this point in my life. The ability to affect and control the world around me directly. Part of why I desire this power the most is I see it as the one that would in effect be the weakest of the powers in how much control it would give me to the world around me, and thus would be the easiest to keep myself from abusing, while still giving me substantial power and significant ability to improve my life. I think my desire for this power stems from a sense of frustration at not being able to affect the world around me the way I would like. I am not strong, I have troubles with motivation and energy. If I could affect the world around me with my mind I could be so much more, and I could also use this power to help improve myself. I always think of the Telekinetic in the comic Crux, who used his powers to make himself stronger, fitter, physically more effective. I could constantly and slowly strengthen my body by pushing against myself, making basic tasks harder to train my body, and then when I chose to turn that off my body itself would be that much better even without using the power. And then with it I could do amazing things. Also it would let me fly… And that would be fucking amazing.
Telepathy/Emotional Control: When I say this think of a mix of Jean Grey’s telepathy (weaker than Xavier’s) and the Mule from Foundation and Empire (by Asimov). The ability to read people’s thoughts and emotions, to understand them, what they are thinking, what they mean, what they are feeling, towards me, towards one another, and towards themselves. And then the ability to change how they are feeling, probably not to directly control their minds, but to change how they feel about things, about me, about themselves. This is the power that I think fits me the most closely, and that scares me a little. This is also the power I think would be the easiest to abuse. I would want to help people, to help cure people’s anxieties and depressions, and my own, but I am not really a good person. It would be easy for me to take it further. Use it to make money, to make people respect me, to make people I like like me back. I could also easily see myself using it to harm people who I thought deserved it, or at least change them so fundamentally that they ceased being who they were. Change crooked politicians, criminals, abusers. The list of people I would be tempted to use this power on is long. I believe I have strong self control, but I’m not sure anyone with this kind of power could resist using it to reshape the people and world around them into how they think it should be. And yet I think this is the power that fits my personality the best. This stems from my frustration with my own mind and anxieties. And with the people around me. It would let me make my mind healthier, and make the people I care about healthier. It would also let me understand the people around me better. And it would give me control of my social interactions. I am so often crippled by my social anxiety, limited in how I interact and with whom. If I could understand these people, what they were thinking, what they were feeling, and even control what they were feeling, which would in turn control how they think. It’s something I have always desired, deeply. They key would be learning how and where to draw a line for myself.
Shapeshifting: This is full molecular and genetic control over my body. The ability to make myself stop hurting. To heal myself. To make myself healthy. To make myself fit and strong. To make my body work, my sex drive work, my brain work. To make myself look how I want to look and any given time. To make myself physically female or male or other at will. To make myself an animal, or a mythological creature at will. Sometimes when I think about this power it includes the ability to absorb other matter to increase my mass, or shape and shed it to decrease it. This would give me the power of creation and destruction. Often I don’t include those, though increasing or decreasing my mass in some way would seem to be important for this power. Though this is neither the power that I desire the most at this point in my life, nor the one I think fits me the best at this point in my life, it is one I have desired pretty much my entire life, possibly the longest of any of them. And throughout most of my life this power could easily have been the most fitting for my self image and personality. This stems from my own self hatred. I have always felt out of place in my body. This has never felt like how I should look, or feel, or move, or be. At times I feel masculine, and at times I feel feminine, but most of the time I don’t feel either. I have never really felt properly human. My self image has nothing to do with what my body looks like. My masculine self image is tall and thin, lanky thin. Too thin. Spider like. And bird like. My feminine self image is of medium to tall height, broad and strong. A warrior woman. Capable and active. A sexual being, and perhaps the only part of my self image that really is, but I’m not sure how to explain it. Perhaps I should explore these thoughts of self image and sexuality in a separate piece. The piece of my self image that perhaps fits me and my body the best is the inhuman one. The Grotesque. The Gargoyle. The hunched, powerful, and mute protector. The one with claws and wings. The one with skin of stone or steel. The one with no mouth, and yet has teeth. The one with no voice. The one who observes, and acts, to protect. There are more pieces to my identity that are starting to evolve, but as I said, I think I’ll explore that part elsewhere. The ability to shift would allow me to truly be each and everyone of these parts of my self image as I felt the need, and would let me stop being what I am now, this thing that I hate. This power would also let me live forever. Or at least as long as I desired.
- If you had an intense love/relationship/romance etc with a paranormal creature, from Paranormal Romances/Urban Fantasy/Mythology, what would it be.
This one took me a while to ponder, while we talked about other things. There are as many different versions of every paranormal or mythological creature as there are stories of them. Each author has their own take. Vampires are too undead… which is icky. The closest would be a White Court Vampire from The Dresden Files, and that would be… challenging. The sex would be fantastic, and would easily overcome my bodies stupidness, but would easily be lethal. And if love really was involved and reciprocated it would be even harder, though my polyamorous nature would help with that some. Werewolves or other therianthropes? Though I could fall for any given individual, them being such a shifter would not be a source of attraction, I’m the one who wants to be able to shift, and not just into an animal. So even if they could turn me into one of them it would not be my ideal, and still not a real reason for an attraction. As I pondered my mind kept coming back to the Denarians… but not. It finally struck me. Something like Lash. Not Lashiel, but Lash, the imprint after she became her own being. Also like Bob or Harry’s child with Lash. A spirit, an immaterial being who could share space in my mind, as well as be separate. Someone who could share experiences with me, who could communicate with me deeply and intimately. Someone who can teach me and learn from me. Someone who can share other lovers with me, share those moments, feel what I feel and understand it. Someone who can help me to better understand myself and the world around me. Perhaps that truly exemplifies how I am a Demisexual. The desire to have that sort of deeply intellectual and emotional connection. Yes following the story this image comes from they could form illusions and feelings that would allow us to have a form of physical intimacy, but that is an aspect I see as secondary, and simply a way for expression of intimacy and desire. But the intellectual and emotional aspects are truly what draw me to this idea, this ideal of a Paranormal Paramour.
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